SEX FOR ONE, by Aimée Shunney,ND

Sex for One?
July 10th, 2014

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No, this blog is not about masturbation. Well not really…but I’ll get to that later.

This blog IS about all the amazing reasons to have sex (and orgasms) that extend far beyond connecting with your beloved. While nurturing your partnership may be reason enough to maintain a vibrant and active sex life, it is important to understand that sex also confers significant benefit to YOU in that it can actually improve your emotional and physical health. That’s right, folks, you heard it here: intimacy, sex, and orgasm contribute to optimal health.

Ten Benefits of Sex that May Surprise You

1. Lowers your blood pressure
2. Decreases heart attack risk
3. Counts as exercise
4. Improves women’s bladder control
5. Supports the immune system
6. Boosts libido
7. Enhances pain tolerance
8. Lowers prostate cancer risk
9. Promotes restful sleep
10. Eases stress

And (ladies) if that list isn’t enough to get you in the mood, try this:

“[Regular sex and orgasm, and potentially even thinking about ‘good’ sex] delivers a strong activation of dopamine to the female reward system, as well as surges of oxytocin for connection, and opioids that drive the sensations of joy…[It] delivers to women the feelings that lead them to want to create, explore, communicate, conquer and transcend.” – Naomi Wolf, author of Vagina: A New Biography

Many of my patients come to see me searching for their long-lost libido (and some relief from hot flashes), but even more come hoping to reclaim their former vital vibrant selves – their joie de vivre. Their desire for overall juiciness may start out as an inquiry into their lack of sexual desire, but more often than not it also includes a longing for a version of themselves from the past that was more creative, more motivated, and more joyful.

Hormonal changes as we age impact every aspect of mood, energy, sleep, and sexual function. How this manifests for each of us is the result of a rich and complex interplay between hormones (estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, cortisol, thyroid, oxytocin) and neurotransmitters (serotonin, dopamine) – all of which are affected by diet, exercise, sleep, stress management, and yes, relationships & sex.

So in addition to all those other things you do for your health, you now have a new very fun activity to add to your self-care list. That is: have great sex with someone you love (or at least think about it!), and if you’re not currently partnered, pleasuring yourself counts, too! Now go out there and get healthy. Doctor’s orders

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DEAR MAYA ANGELOU

Thank you, Maya Angelou. What a PHENOMENAL WOMAN you were.

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

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SEX IS NOT OUR PROBLEM by Charles Blow New York Times 1/14

There is often a simplistic, black-or-white, conservative vs. progressive discussion around the dissolution of the traditional family and high single-parent birthrates in America and what these trends may portend for us as a country.

I don’t see the argument as completely binary or the problem as intractable. But, I do believe that we must focus more on complex areas of causation. We can’t look longingly at the halcyon ideals of yore, where marriage held more primacy and premarital sex was considered more depraved.

Those days are gone. But there are ways for us to adjust to a new reality rather than simply bemoan it.

First, the parameters of the problems: According to the Guttmacher Institute, “about half (51 percent) of the 6.6 million pregnancies in the United States each year (3.4 million) are unintended” and “the U.S. unintended pregnancy rate is significantly higher than the rate in many other developed countries.” Among teenagers in high-income countries, those in the United States have the highest rates of pregnancy and some sexually transmitted infections, according to a report released last year by the National Research Council and the Institute of Medicine.

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This, even though young Americans are not necessarily the most sexually active youth of developed countries, according to a previous Guttmacher report. That report pointed out two important issues. First, “less contraceptive use and less use of hormonal methods are the primary reasons U.S. teenagers have the highest rates of pregnancy, childbearing and abortion.” Second, “more sexual partners, a higher prevalence of infection and, probably, less condom use contribute to higher teenage sexually transmitted disease rates in the United States.”

Now there are things that I assume most Americans still agree on. Most think young people should delay sexual activity until they are mentally and emotionally capable of reasonably consenting and comprehending the consequences. Most want fewer children born to parents unwilling to provide for those children, or incapable of doing so, emotionally or financially. Most want fewer unplanned and unwanted pregnancies. And, most want fewer women to have to face the often wrenching decisions about what to do about such pregnancies.

There are some rather simple ways to move in this direction if we can agree to be less puritanical and more practical. We could, for example, begin teaching young people to value themselves in a way that contextualizes the initiation of sexual activity as a thing fully within their control and not so easily manipulated by peer and societal pressures. Abstinence can be honorable, but it won’t be for everyone. Everyone can be affirmed, though, in the fact that they must love themselves enough emotionally to be in control of whom they allow to love them physically, and when.

Furthermore, we must provide thorough and unimpeded sex education — in the home and at school — about how to engage in sex safely and responsibly. And, we must provide a full range of reproductive services — prophylactic and contraceptive as well as post-pregnancy. Here we are moving in the wrong direction. A Guttmacher report released last week found that more abortion restrictions were enacted in the last three years than in the previous decade.Conservatives often stress marriage as a panacea for many of these problems, and indeed, marriage has its benefits. The fewer partners one engages sexually, the lower the risk of encountering disease. And, in terms of having a child, two adults in a home can often do twice as much as one. But, we must respect all family structures and encourage all parents to be active and engaged in child rearing regardless of living arrangements.

Furthermore, much of the discussion about single-parent families and births outside of marriage is focused too heavily on young women and is simply a form of sex shaming that blames them for not being proper guardians of chastity. The shaming itself is a shame, and often inflames the pathology of patriarchy in our culture.

We teach boys, overtly and implicitly, that sexual potency is a marker of masculinity and that empathy and emotional depth are purviews of a lesser sex. The ways we force boys to adhere to a perilously narrow reading of masculinity become a form of “oppression all dressed up as awesomeness,” as Lisa Wade, an Occidental College sociology professor, put it last month in Salon.

Boys are not taught to value themselves as fully human, but only as conquerors of everything — women, the workplace, the world. And men who are incapable of valuing their own humanity are incapable of fully valuing the humanity of a love interest.

We can address our societal problems, but to do so we must first address our societal issues.

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