It almost seems  that the purpose of research is to tell us what we already know. Have you ever read a report in the NYTimes or a magazine and said “wow, now  that’s a surprise! ” or “why didn’t they ask me, I knew that for years?” I have, and now, after much mind bending, I think I get it. The research is a factual study that lets us know if what we have been thinking is true, is, in fact, true. There is data. This is 2010, we believe in data.

For instance: when the research on women’s sexual function arrived in ’05, after many, many years of just not being deemed a worthy topic to even explore, we found out that women’s arousal was different from men’s. We found that for many of us, relational health was way more significant in our willingness to be aroused, than just being “hot.”  Men were “horny,” women were not, not spontaneously.  After the first weeks, months, of being together, in fact shortly after moving in together, or making a commitment to marry, women began to change the sexual game.  Is this abnormal? No. according to the research, this is the way women play.  If the relationship is healthy, sex becomes a part of it, a piece of it, never the all of it. Women  need to feel connected on many other levels than just the physical.  If their partner wants a hug or something equally simple, she may feel it’s just his way of revving up for sex. Hence, affection, which is often the beginning of touch that excites women, becomes less and less. In other words, trouble begins.

So women would say, “and what’s new about that?” But the hard data, the interviews, the compilation of results, validates our gut understanding.

This has great value.  Having a hunch about something, or a gut feeling, is great but having the numbers, the statistics, to back it up, makes it credible and worthy of discussion.

Just last week there was a great study (in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, “Placebos Boost Sexual Function for Some Women”) that showed a “placebo” effect in women given drugs, or not, for hyposexual desire disorder; both were equally effective. What does that mean? It shows that women are really wired differently than men. The placebo effect occurs when  a group, without knowing it, is not given the drug and still reports improvement. What could that mean?

In this particular study, the consensus said that even those not given the medication, still had the opportunity to relate to their interviewer, to talk about their problem and to assimilate that connection with the ensuing weeks of behavioral tasks.  The task included planned sexual experiences with partners on a regular basis over the next few weeks and a journal entry that described their feelings about it.

Just the journal entry, the talk with someone who listened well and was supportive, apparently provided the same amount of benefit as the medication itself.

Now, most women will say, “well, that makes total sense.” But if you don’t have the numbers, no one (the scientific medical establishment specifically) will accept it.

It’s a good thing.  It establishes the reality as we know it and makes it defensible. It also says to the world at large (including men) that sexuality is not separate from relationship .  Being connected emotionally and feeling understood  is often the most arousing foreplay imaginable.